A Hard Journey

Hello Again,

So there are good things and bad things to say since my last post. One, I have now lost 10.7 pounds as of last Thursday and that feels great. However, many things have happened in the last couple of weeks that have really brought my confidence gained from losing weight down. I was at work recently and an old woman was passing me. As she passed, she patted me on the stomach and said "Congratulations", obviously thinking I was pregnant. I also went to go to a wedding recently and had been looking for a dress to go in for a while. I had to end up ordering a dress because I had a hard time finding a dress in a store that would fit me. There were dresses in plus size but they were horrendous and made me look like an old maid. This was a bit of a hit to the ego. 

The worst was when we went to Busch Gardens yesterday on our way back from the wedding to have a nice day out. I went with my best friend and a friend of his from back home. The day basically consisted of me paying to humiliate myself. We started off with going to the griffin. It's one of my favorite roller coasters. As I am trying to get on, I find myself having to squeeze myself into the seat. The guy comes along to buckle down the arm harness and can't. I realize that I am now, at this point, too big to ride roller coasters. It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I quickly told my friend that I was going to get off and not ride. I ended up crying while waiting for them. I have always loved riding roller coasters and never thought that my weight would get to the point to not be able to ride them. On top of it, people aren't stupid and know what they saw; A girl that is too fat to ride the roller coaster. So, from that point on, I had to wait outside of the roller coasters. I told my best friend how embarrassed I was and he told me there was nothing to be embarrassed about. My other best friend also told me that its okay and that I am doing something about it. They don't believe that it makes me who I am. It's okay to be upset about what happened yesterday but I shouldn't let it affect me. 

The only way it is affecting me right now is that it just gives me more motivation to try harder. This was definitely hard to deal with. The only other times that I have been that publicly humiliated about my weight was when I was called elephant constantly by this kid in middle school. I am trying to get through this by remembering that I am doing something about it. I also need to remember that I am very lucky to have friends and family who love me no matter what I look like. In one year, I will be able to go back to that theme park and get on the rides.  I will enjoy myself even more than usual because of the journey I will have been through and how hard I worked to take all of that weight off. I will remember this feeling I am having right now and smile because I won't have to feel that way anymore. I will be proud of myself finally. I will look in a mirror and know that, unlike people who have never had any kind of weight issues, I worked hard to like what I see. I will have a more humbled confidence because I will have controlled what is reflected. I can't wait to have that feeling.

So, until next time, my friends.

Motivation

I am really excited. I have now lost 7 1/2 pounds! As I said before, I know that the weight won't keep coming off as quickly necessarily... but it feels great that its coming off at all! My body has gotten used to eating three meals a day finally and I actually have an appetite. Before, I was only eating one meal a day and generally it was late at night before I went to bed. This completely ruined my metabolism! I am working with calisthenics right now to be able to get my metabolism up and to get used to exercising a little bit more as well. I was always very in shape and able to do a lot of things until about two years ago. This was all while I was still overweight. However, not only have I gained more weight, but I have also become out of shape. Losing the weight that I already have is fantastic motivation and my body is already starting to feel really different. I am proud of myself, which is something that I don't say very often and it feels great! So, until next time my friends :-)

How DO you craft a happy life?

Everyone has that burning question... How can you just be happy? You would think it would be an easy answer but no one seems very good at the result. I came across a website that had a lot of really cool ideas for help with crafting an exceptional life. Some of them included exercising daily, keeping a journal, getting serious about gratitude, savoring the little things, spending time with nature, getting up at 5am everyday, forgiveness, patience, speak less listen more, smile at everyone you pass and my favorite, be the best person you know. The list was much longer, but I thought that these were some of the great highlights. 

As a said in my last post, I believe that we have gotten to a point where we are all too busy to really appreciate life. We are so obsessed with money and success, that we forget to really live. If we take that little bit of time to do things that reconnect us with life, than we will truly start being happier and more at peace. I, for one, am going to start doing something EVERY day to make sure that I don't let life keep me from living! Anxiety has really taken over me. I started having panic attacks last year and I have a hard time dealing with stress now. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be happy. So whether its buying myself something little or doing yoga or even something as small as just smiling at everyone I see that day, I want to be able to have that little bit of something everyday that is just for me.

Until next time, my friends.

Overcoming fears

Lately I have been thinking about taking risks and overcoming fears. I was talking to my dad this morning and he mentioned that one of my fears is putting my weight out there. However, when I really think about it... there is so much more to what he is saying. I am not saying that there are hidden meanings behind what he is saying; I just believe that is not my only issue. When I really look at myself, I am scared and terrified of responsibility, being an adult, telling people my weight for fear of not being accepted, putting myself out there emotionally because its easier to act like everything is okay and the list goes on and on. Everyone has fear. It's human nature. But we can't let that fear define us. 

I believe that some of my fears have defined me. I can't fully be myself around people if I am hiding myself from others. I have definitely gotten over some things. I used to be really shy and I didn't like to be put in social situations where I didn't know at least one person. I have come out of that box a lot more in the past year and a half or so and I think that has made me a more appealing person. I enjoy putting my opinion out there and speaking my mind. These are things that I didn't like to do before because I, once again, was afraid of being accepted. I don't want fear to take over my life. Life is scary, but if you don't take risks and do things you don't want every once in a while, then life will just pass you by. I have a lot of issues going on in my life right now and if I don't accept them as problems, then they won't be fixed. Acceptance comes first and then figuring out how to fix them. I think that my issue is that I don't know how to fix most of my problems and that's why I am scared to face them head on. I am the kind of person who needs to know the resolution to be able to face something. However, losing weight is a step in the right direction. I hope that I can eventually figure out everything else along the way. 

So here is to facing out fears! My weight when I first started this blog was 301.8. I just weighed myself two minutes ago and it is now 296.9. I am down 4.9 pounds! From now on I will be posting my weight on the blog. I hope no one judges me based on my weight! I do think that putting out there how much I weigh, however, will give me more incentive to bring the number down! As Eleanor Roosevelt said:
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do. "

Yet another wonderful quote to live by.

Until next time, my friends.

Words to live by

"Before you act, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try."- Ernest Hemingway

So, as you know, this is a blog mainly focused on my journey to lose weight. However, it is also about finding a new beginning in many other ways. I saw this quote today and I felt that it is such a great saying to live by. I believe that humans have gotten to the point now where everything is so rushed. Life passes you by so quickly because you don't normally have time to really stop and think and appreciate. I think that this quote is such a great way of reminding people to take time and do things correctly. Appreciate everything that you have the opportunity to experience. 

To talk about my weight loss for just a second, I went to the story today and got some really healthy groceries. I got chicken, veggies, spring mix, splenda, eggs, etc. I am very excited because I am all stocked up for the moment and feel good. I have been eating well this week and my body feels better already. The main thing that has been hard is eating three meals a day. I don't normally have three meals so my stomach has been having a hard time getting used to that. I had breakfast before work the other day and my stomach felt awful for the time that i was at work. I am never hungry in the morning, so it can be a daunting thing to think about eating. However, its all for the better and I am looking forward to starting to see results! Until next time, my friends! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!